How has your week been? During this quarantine with the jet lag of a ten hour time difference, there seems an overtone of having no time yet only time. A pregnant sense of hurry up and wait. The no time component is influenced by what will be provided by the body’s energy bank. No matter what we hope to do with our time, when the tank is empty, it’s empty. Fourteen days of isolation when you just want to sleep feels like forever.
The hurry up and wait syndrome I’m very familiar with. After a brush with death as a child. Even at the age of ten, I felt that my life was spared in exchange for a mission. A mission that seemed urgent and timely was all I knew. The details were for me to discover. I had no idea and there was no roadmap. Indeed, it still feels a bit like the search for the holy grail. Now fifty years later, I’ve come to accept the mission was to know my purpose in this life. Knowing one's purpose amidst an overhanging feeling of urgency on this ever-changing planet remains a challenge. Direction and messages are so subtle that one can only tune in to the next clue or direction when there is stillness. Hence the dilemma of hurry up and wait. In the meantime, I am listening attentively to the silence between the thunder claps. Life is a miracle and a mystery.
I must say that during this quarantine I am getting better at exercising self kindness and am dropping the judgement more. When wide awake at 2am, I’ve been creating a moment of gratitude, then turn on a light and read. For one hour, two hours or I might simply get up. Even though I’d rather be sleeping I’ll remind myself of a Buddhist expression that always lightens me up. “Right now G, it’s like this.” I remember from previous years how jet lag would destroy a sleep pattern. Staying awake at night and being tired all day, I’d get really frustrated. I’d use various tricks to get back to sleep but rarely would they work in this context.
So the take away from this challenging and blessed time of solitude is to gentle up, send copious amounts of love and compassion out in the world to the endless suffering and count one’s blessings. . ;-))